Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
