i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
