Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
