He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
