Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And then he peed in my hair
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