you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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