Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Mom said you looked used
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
