Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
