Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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