Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
