yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
