Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
