then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, beer. Big fan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize