He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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