Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
