is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
