Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
