I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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