no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
