dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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