Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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