This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
