i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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