If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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