A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well you can't waste a boner
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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