So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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