dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
