it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
