This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
