I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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