once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize