"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
