I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
