remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
