I hate your face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
