I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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