There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
