Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
