So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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