so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
