I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
