the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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