So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
