no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
