dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize