what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
