i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
