what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
