As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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