Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
