hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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