I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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