If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
