Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
