just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize