There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The air was thick with penises
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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