Will you blow on my dice?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So vagazzling was a success
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
