Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
