I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
