Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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