he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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