Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
