Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
