I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
