I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
