She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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