she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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